Draining and Dumping: A Sponge's Dilemma

Dear So and So,

I would like to share with you a hypothetical sponge situation based on real personal sponge experiences:

One of the Sponge's closest sponge acquaintances calls her and leaves a message.  This voice message includes phrases and tones that basically equate to an unhealthy "I need you."  In the past, the Sponge would think, "I'm only imagining this.  This is my problem."  But the new and improved Sponge has noticed a pattern throughout the last couple of years.  Phrases like, "I needed to hear the sound of your voice," or "I need to talk to you" indicate the future conversation will most likely be draining.  Whiny tones or multiple calls in one day or week also indicate an upcoming drainfest.

The Sponge's accumulation of similar experiences show a strong correlation between these subtle conversational undertones and a draining of the Sponge.  A Sponge-draining happens in two ways:

#1: A Pure Water Draining
A Sponge begins the conversation or interaction feeling good and full of pure water.  After a while, the Sponge notices how bad the Acquaintance feels, or wants to help him/her and starts to wring out a bit of pure water for the Acquaintance to absorb.  Sometimes the Acquaintance feels satisfied with that little bit of pure water.  Other times the Acquaintance only becomes thirsty for more and through manipulation, guilt trips, etc. wrings out the Sponge completely.  The Acquaintance leaves the conversation feeling wonderful, but the Sponge leaves it feeling empty and drained.  

#2: A Murky Water Dumping
A Sponge begins the conversation or interaction feeling pretty good.  After a while, the Acquaintance begins to wring his/her murky water out all over the Sponge.  While the Acquaintance unburdens himself/herself from murky water, the Sponge absorbs more and more, eventually leaving the conversation full of someone else's awful water.

Both of these situations describe a transference of water, or energy.  Sometimes a Sponge transfers too much pure water (positive energy) to another person, leaving herself feeling drained.  Other times an Acquaintance dumps murky water (negative energy) on the Sponge.  The amount of energy transference depends on the Sponge's use of her green scrubby shell (boundaries) and/or the Acquaintance's level of intensity, persistence, and neediness.

I, the Fortunate Sponge, have found myself in draining and dumping situations many times.  Despite my best efforts to maintain healthy boundaries and protect myself from too much energy transference, it still happens.

After receiving one such potentially needy message from an Acquaintance, I debated what to do.  My Sponge tool belt of possible response techniques (yes, every Sponge needs one of these) included:

1. Wait it out and then call back: do not respond until you feel safer the neediness has lessened its intensity.
2. Call back immediately: someone needs you!  Help them! 
3. Call back and tell the Acquaintance how you feel, what you've noticed about patterns with them in the past, and try to find a solution.

I voted for number three in this situation.  The only problem was: How do I discuss a subconscious transference of energy with someone who might not see it?  No one likes to discuss their own potential tendency to drain or dump on another person.  Even though the conversation would be difficult, I couldn't ignore the pattern and keep getting drained over and over again.  So I attempted to work through it with the Acquaintance.  The conversation went well in some ways but horribly wrong in other ways.  Although we never reached a common ground, a solution, I did not go backwards into my people-pleaser-everybody-above-myself-mentality.  I stood up for my perceptions and my truths.  However, the Acquaintance did not see himself/herself as being needy.  He/she said "My intentions were purely a wanting to talk and connect with you." 

This experience left me with a question: What do you do when you see things others can't see?  And in addition to that, who's truth is the "right" one?  Is my Acquaintance not seeing the subconscious things going on or am I misinterpreting what I'm seeing?  I could not deny the pattern my experience revealed.  But I also could not tell a person how they were feeling, what their motives were, what their truth was.  Again, what do you do when you see things others can't see?

I still don't have an answer, and this particular question will most likely take me a very long time to peel apart.  In the meantime, I will continue working on building up my green sponge protection, paying attention to how I feel and my own limits, and practicing standing up for myself.  I can't ignore the fact that draining and dumping happens to me, and I can't just let it keep happening.  But I can learn different ways to deal with it, and that is exactly what I'll do.  Here I go!   

Love,
The Fortunate Sponge